can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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