All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize