I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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