I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
