i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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