she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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