One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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