I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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