he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
