I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
