Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
