I must be too annoying 4 u.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
