And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
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