What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
