I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
