I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
