I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
