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Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Randomize