I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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