i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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