If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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