so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Randomize
