I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
