you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
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