I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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