ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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