just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
