At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
