He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
