I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
