i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Barsexuality is the new black.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
