I'd wear matching sweaters with you
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
