Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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