I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
