You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
