Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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