whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
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