I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I have already put on my inside pants.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
