i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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