frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
How naked do you want me to be?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
