Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
