I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
