Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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