I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
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