Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
