so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
