It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize