How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize