My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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