she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
