Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
