That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
