sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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