im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
