I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
