the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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