I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
