return my video game
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
