I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
