Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
