I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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