omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
