How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
