my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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