We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
