my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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