he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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