i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
