she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
