It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
