Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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