u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize