you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
