He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
