Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
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